Dear Parents,
Thank you so much for all of you who attended the General Parent Coordinating Council Meeting this past Tuesday evening. And thank you for the wonderful feedback regarding the evening’s program!
Because the feedback indicated that people seemed to appreciate the presentation, I am going to post the evening’s PowerPoint on the Parent Portal, AND I am going to take the content of the comments and periodically include portions of it in upcoming Thursday Mails.
Let me begin here, today, by outlining my assumptions and my thesis.
Included among my assumptions were three points:
- We all have common hopes and desires for our children.
- We have common struggles in the difficult task of helping our children achieve what we hope for their lives (more so today than in previous generations).
- But, we don’t necessarily have the skill set or the knowledge base to make the right moves at the right time to help our children navigate through childhood in a way which allows them to be the kind of adult we hope and want them to be. In fact, sometimes we do things, as parents and as educators, which we THINK will accomplish our goals for our children, but which are NOT helpful.
Why would we do something which is not helpful to the formation process?
This is my thesis: we do not want our children to suffer. We don’t want them to suffer in the short run OR the long run. But our inability to allow them to suffer in the short run, ultimately does damage to them in the long run.
Allow me to make this point in a slightly different way: we, as adults, are too quick to alleviate what we think will be uncomfortable for our children (frustration, boredom, anxiety, angst). In doing so, we often take away the golden opportunities which help them develop the capacities and insights which will allow them to be who we ultimately hope/want them to be.
Report card time is a particularly key moment for not rescuing our children. To this point, a grade which might be disappointing can be a springboard into a wonderful, self-reflective conversation.
As you engage in these conversations you might consider the following type of questions:
- What are you most proud of?
- What are you most disappointed about?
- What surprised you? Why?
- What do you want to do differently next quarter in order to achieve your personal best?
Conversation starters which I would not recommend include, “I am so disappointed in you” or “I am so proud of you.” Why? Because when we make statements such as these, the focus is on the adult, not the child. We don’t want our children doing or not doing something BECAUSE it makes US happy or proud or sad or disappointed. A child who does things to please an adult becomes the adolescent who does things to please his or her friends (not something any of us want).
When looking at the character traits (a VERY important aspect of the report card), invite your child into a conversation with questions such as:
- Is this consistent with who you are?
- Is this consistent with who you want to be?
- If not, what do you want to do differently to be the person you want to be?
May these days of conversation, reflection and introspection be helpful in the ongoing process of growth!
Maureen Glavin, rscj
