The biggest challenge we experience in our collective task of raising our children is that we are ALL swimming against a cultural current which is exerting increasing pressure on us to do the opposite of what we know to be healthy and wholesome for them.
Now that we are at the midpoint of our first quarter, let us remind ourselves of the following:
1. Resist the temptation to allow the child to succumb to comparisons. Until a healthy ego is developed, human nature is such that we tend to compare ourselves with others. If your child is struggling in a particular subject or trying to figure out where he or she fits in socially, it is easy for him or her to divert to “So-and-so got an A,” “So-and-so has more friends,” or “So-and-so doesn’t like me.” Remember, the goal is not the ‘A.’ The goal is not being ‘popular.’ And, most certainly, the goal is not to be ‘the best in comparison with others.’ The goal, rather, is to be one’s personal best: academically, socially and spiritually. The goal is to learn, to grow, to be respectful, to speak one’s truth and to be in right relationship with others. ANY conversation that compares one child with another is unproductive and unhelpful.
2. Listen intently and honor feelings while providing a reframing of their narrow way of interpreting what happens around them. Children NEED to come home and ‘bounce’ their day off someone. They want to debrief their experiences and ‘talk through’ their perspectives and feelings. (For many children, this might not happen until they are feeling secure – as at bedtime, while being tucked in. For others it happens the whole way home in the car.) In a desire to be empathetic, our temptation is to be angry if the child is angry or to be very sad if our child is sad or to be anxious if our child is anxious. To respond in more helpful ways, we can try to understand our child’s feelings, while, with well-placed questions, helping them to reframe their struggle. The reframing process provides our children with the practice of (and eventual habit of) thinking about the broader perspective. Knowing that thoughts affect feelings, if we can help our children develop healthy thought patterns, we will help them build a healthy emotional life. Here, the goal is NOT to remove any struggle but to help children figure out how to handle the struggle.
We will continue to diligently educate the children’s hearts and minds on our end, and we thank you profusely for your support as you continue to do so on your end!
In deep union with you in this sacred task,
Maureen Glavin, rscj
